DeathEatr4lif
by FearlessLeader-Flick
Summary: These are my myspace surveys bulletins filled out by S.Snape. I personally like Snape, but decided to be a little mean and make totally eronious charges against his private character. just something for my own retarded enjoyment.deserves rating.
1. Chapter 1

Time Started: 10:49 pm  
Name: severus snape  
Gender: male….shouldn't you know the answers to those, considering you are my FRIEND

1.) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or get in and start the water?

I prefer to have the house elves draw me a bath

2.) Do you read the labels on the shampoo bottle?  
what is this "shampoo" you speak of?

3.) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essence?  
only when I think of Lily…er, I mean, no. that'd b gay!

6.) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower?:  
yes, when I'm pressed for time

7.) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?  
No…soap is for the ruddy irish!

9.) How old do you look?  
about five…in bat years.

10.) What's the last song you heard/sang?:  
sang: singing in the rain

Heard: "Baby byebyebye"

11.) Have you recently become a member of anything?  
Voldemort's inner circle

12.) What are your plans for the weekend?:  
gathering newt eyes and plotting ways to make the Potter brat's life miserable

13.) What is your mood at the moment?:  
sulk-ish

14. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?

Once, at Minerva's seventy-fifth birthday party. Only one ruddy does of Felix Felicus…. lowers your inhibitions terribly more than I thought

15) Do you ever intentionally vomit after eating?:  
not anymore

17.) Have you ever called anyone a slut?:  
yes, and Bellatrix knows why

18.) Has anyone ever called you a slut?:  
probably, but no one would dare say it to my face

19). Have you ever smuggled something into America?

The US is for communists. Why would I need to smuggle when I can just make it invisible anway?

20). Does playing a guitar make someone hotter?  
No, I prefer the tamborine

21.) Do you live in a city with a good sports team?  
If you consider Potter's little band of miscreants a sports team, yeah. My Snakes, however, are far better flyers. The Gryffindors are cheating, I swear by it!

25.) Do you have more enemies or more friends?:  
no friends, and the whole world hates me, so I guess enemies.

26.) Have you ever sent an anonymous letter?:  
I sent Voldemort a My Little Pony valentine's day card and didn't sign it…but it was just for shits and giggles.

27.) Can you fix your own car?  
I don't believe in those Muggle contraptions. All they do is pollute the earth and create smog so my sonar vision gets messed up in flight-I mean, I can't see from my broomstick

28). Do you like staying up late?  
Don't all bats- I mean, Potions Masters

29.) Are you smarter than your friends?  
friends are a frivolous waste of time…I don't allow my Slytherin Snakes to have them! Much less me…

30.) Have you ever stolen anything from your friends?  
I did steal a lemon drop from that old coot Dumbledore one time…but he's a mere colleague, does that count?

31.) Have you ever been to jail?:  
yes, but good ole Dumbl-ey got me out!

**Bulletin Comment from: LemonDropLover**  
**Comment: Not such an old coot now, eh? –Wait! You stole a lemon drop from me? I'll have you locked in Azkaban for good!**

33) Do you like the smell of beer?:  
I don't prefer beer to any of my senses

34.) Have you ever died or killed someone in a dream?:  
does real life count? I mean, my life's been pretty nightmare-ish….

35.) Have you ever given to charity?:  
I haven't strangled Potter yet, so I suppose that's promoting the general welfare, which is charity when you think about it.

36) Would you ever kill a dog for $1000?  
Who told you about that?

37.) Do you ever get depressed?  
I don't have time for emotions…I'm too busy keeping Potter from killing himself!

38). Do you live with your parents?  
I killed them…I mean no, not since their accident

39.) Do you have plans for your future?:  
Stay alive, take over the Muggle heir-archy, get the potions ingredients out of my hair

You are  
[ short, under 5'4  
[ 54"-5'5"  
[ 5'5"-5'6"  
[ 5'6.5 - 5'7 ''  
[ 5'7" - 6'0  
[ tall 6'1 and up  
**[X} I don't know American measurements**…

NATURALLY  
[ blond  
[ redhead  
[ brunette  
[ dirty blond  
[ brown  
**[X} black**  
[ Indian red/light brown  
[ Don't Know; Dyed To Much

EYES  
[ blue-eyed  
[ brown-eyed  
**[X?} black-eyed**  
[ green-eyed  
[ Hazel-eyed  
[ gold/gray-eyed  
[ silver/gray- eyed  
[ blue/green-eyed  
[ blue/gray-eyed  
[ green/gray-eyed  
[ they change colors  
[ blue/grey eyed

[ glasses  
[ contacts  
**[ X} neither**

[ short hair  
**[X} medium long hair**  
[ long hair :)  
[ i dont know, you tell me

Your favorite color(s) is/are?  
[ red  
[ khaki  
[ aqua  
[ pink  
[ hot pink  
[ yellow  
**[X} black**  
[ green  
[ lime green  
[ blue  
[ white  
[ turquoise  
[ silver  
[ purple  
[ brown  
[ orange  
[ gray  
[ fuscia  
[ maroon  
[ gold  
[ teal  
[ coral  
[ clear  
[ bronze  
[ I don't really care  
[ Rainbow  
[ I basically like all colors

Your personality is sometimes...  
[ talkative  
[ shy  
[ funny  
**[X} serious**  
[ laid back  
**[X that's a personality? meh} strict**  
[ hyper  
**[X}sarcastic**  
[ slow

You like listening to:  
**[X pop**  
[ country  
[ Christian  
**[X orchestral/classical  
[X techno..one time, when I WAY too much sugar with Flitwick at end of term celebrations**  
**[ x oldies  
[ X opera**  
[ 80's  
**[X disco**  
[ DNB  
**[X rap**  
[ classic rock  
[ punk  
[ pop punk  
[ metal  
**[x reggae**  
[ rock  
[ alt/indie rock  
**[X emo**  
[ foreign rock  
[ ska  
[ lots of different stuff.  
[ r&b  
[ the radio

The pets you have HAD?  
[ cat  
[ dog  
**[ X lizard…but father killed him :(**  
[ rat  
[ ferret  
[ bunny  
[ fish  
[ horse  
[ bird  
**[ X frog….useful for potions**  
[ hermit crab  
[ turtle  
[ hamster  
[ snake  
[ gerbil  
[ guinea pig  
[ pig  
[ goat  
[ chinchilla  
[ tarantula  
[ geese  
[ baby chicks  
[ baby ducklings  
[ none  
[ hedgehog  
[ snail  
[ piranha  
[ seagull  
**[ X newt…their eyes came in handy later  
**[ pigeon…**what the frick?**

Your confessions:  
[ I'm afraid of silence  
**[X I am really ticklish**  
[ I'm afraid of the dark  
[ I've collected comic books  
[ x I sometimes shut out others  
[ I open up to others TOO easily  
[ I read the newspaper  
**[x I love Disney movies  
[x I am a sucker for gorgeous eyes/ahh, Lily  
**[ I am a sucker for a gorgeous smile  
[how the fuck else can I make potions? You don't kill bugs  
[ I have an "x"(s) in my screen names  
[**x I cook well  
[X..no one sees what's under the robe! I have worn pajamas to class  
[ x I love Martha Stewart**  
[ I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS  
[ I am self-conscious  
[ I love to laugh  
[ I can't swallow pills  
**[ x I bite my nails**  
[ I play computer games when I'm bored  
[ I have gotten lost in the city  
**[X/see above Have gone out in public in my pajamas**  
[ I have made out in an elevator  
[ I have been skydiving  
[ I have been bungee jumping  
**[ x I have bitten someone  
**[ I have egged or rolled a house/car  
[ I have smashed/bumped into a car  
[ I have been fired  
[ I have been skinny dipping

Have you ever...  
**[X seen a shooting star  
**[ joke proposed to anyone  
[ gotten stitches  
**[x eaten sushi**  
[ gotten the chicken pox  
[ Ridden in a taxi  
**[x Been on a cruise ship**  
[ Driven over 400 miles in one day  
[ Been on a plane by yourself  
**[X had surgery  
[X seen a movie more than 3 times in the theater  
[X been on stage  
[ x gotten a black eye  
[X memorized all the dialogue in a movie**  
[ watched an entire baseball game

You like...  
**[x old movies  
[x musicals  
[ x blasting music  
[ X foreign foods**  
[ gameboy Pokemon  
**[x Christmas time  
[for scientific purposes} animals  
[x coffee  
[X tea  
[x summer  
[ x winter**

TWO'S OF EVERY KIND

Three Names You Go By:  
sir. Professor. Savvy.

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:  
trousers and a robe

Two favorite animals?  
bat and fairie (they SHOULD be animals…the blasted beasts. And don't give me any of your pro-fairy sentiment! You haven't seen what I've seen!)

Two Reasons you're doing this survey:  
Voldie sent it to me, and I'm afraid of unicycle-riding giraffes

Spell your name without vowels:  
svrs snp

How many pairs of jeans do you own?:  
none

What color(s) do you wear most often?  
BLACK

Last song heard on the radio?  
my bat sonar picked up "Dust in the Wind" last nite…I mean…er, idk

What's for dinner?  
wutevr the house elves make

Are you happy with your life right now?  
I'd be happier if the war was over. Honestly, I don't care which way it goes as long as I live. Lily's kid apparently doesn't care anymore, so why should I?

Do you own a...

PS2:  
No

XBOX?:  
No

xbox 360?:  
No...

PSP?:  
No

Gamecube?:  
No

Wii?:  
No

Do you shop at stores like Aeropostale and American Eagle?  
no, I despise France and America

How do you make money?:  
teaching and Potions seminars…on the record

Last thing you bought?  
a scarf for Voldie

How's the weather?:  
I don't know, I stay in the dungeons all the time

Favorite pair of shoes?:  
black hooker boots, I mean, just black boots

Do you own big sunglasses?  
YESH!

What should you be doing right now?  
Torturing first years…

Who did you hug today?  
no one

How many beds have you laid on today?  
two, mine and I tested a bed of nails at the Death Eaters' meeting

Name one thing that you do everyday?  
deduct Gryffindor points

What's the color of your bedroom walls?:  
stone

What's your favorite sport?:  
Harry Hunting; a nice Muggle boy from the Surrey/Little Whinging area taught it to me some odd years ago when I had Polyjuice Potioned myself into some Pierre Polkins kid by mistake. A delightful game,,,

Look to your left, what do you see?  
a spider web

Do you have plants in your room?:  
NO

What's your favorite starbucks drink?  
double chocolate chip frap! No whip!

Recent time you were really upset?:  
Dumbledore put on the ring!

Time ended:  
11:23


	2. Chapter 2

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?  
I sleep IN the closet (in a literal, not figurative! Kind of way)

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?  
I don't use those things, so no

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?  
seeing as I sleep hanging upsidedown, my sheet is wrapped around me

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?  
no, that's a damned muggle thing

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?  
only the hot pink onezzsszz!

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?  
i ALWAYS cut coupons, and i ALWAYS use them.

i NEVER pay full price for ANYTHING.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?  
bear; I can go into bat form and fly away

8. Do you have freckles?  
yes, but in a place I'd rather not discuss (I'm very sensitive about my speckled elbows)

9. Do you always smile for pictures?  
I don't show up in pictures

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

Insufferable brats that try constantly to get themselves killed, who also carry the surname of Potter

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?  
I don't walk, I float, and my robes billow behind

12. Have you ever peed in the woods?  
I don't pee

13. What about pooped in the woods?  
I don't poo

14. Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?  
DUH!

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?  
no, I swallow them whole

16. How many people have you slept with this week?  
I always have Mr. Teddy the Bear wrapped in the sheets with me, right over my heart. Voldie got him from the mall for me!

17. What size is your bed?  
don't have a bed, see some other sleeping questions

18. What is your Song of the week?  
Barbie Girl. By Aqua

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?  
it's not okay for anyone to wear pink…except on days that end in a "y"!

20. Do you still watch cartoons?  
The Smurfs own me!

21. Whats your least favorite movie?  
Hope Floats

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?  
I would hide it in the third floor corridor….IF I had it…. *whistles innocently*

23. What do you drink with dinner?  
a male virgin goat's blood

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?  
it's own blood

25. What is your favorite food?  
dragon wings, with spicy sauce

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?  
Forrest Gump, BORAT, TITANIC, Steel Magnolias, Talladega Nights, Lonesome Dove

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?  
McGonagle…don't ask, but a Confundus charm _was_ involved

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?  
no

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

No.

but  
voldemort and I posed for Evil Bachelors of the Month in Merlin's Weekly Wizarding Journal. But it wasn't nude or anything. Real tasteful. Sharp suits and whatnot.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?  
this morning….how else am I supposed to contact them? Some sort of mechanical Muggle device? I think not!

31. Can you change the oil on a car?  
a what?

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?  
no, I fly too fast to be caught….not to mention I go into batmode

33. Ran out of gas?  
no, I fart regularly

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?  
olive and goat meat on rye

35 Best thing to eat for breakfast?  
the souls of small children, preferably crushed

36. What is your usual bedtime?  
when the sun comes up

37. Are you lazy?  
me? NEVER!

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?  
you were supposed to dress up? Mum just sent me on my way!

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign?  
i have no idea…..

40. How many languages can you speak?  
eighteen

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?  
Potions Master Weekly and Baking for the Bachelor Bat (I REALLY like alliteration)

42..Which are better legos or lincoln logs?  
I hate muggle toyss….

43. Are you stubborn?  
you can't make me answer that….

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?  
Leno, most definitely. When I take over the world and plan my extermination of the Muggles, he'll be the last to go. Unless he makes fun of me on his show. Then, it's all fair game.

45. Ever watch soap operas?  
One Life to Live…it's the most convenient timing for me

46. Afraid of heights?  
no, I'm a frickin bat!

47. Sing in the car?  
again, this car thing….

48. Dance in the shower?  
I take a shower every ten days (whether I need it or not!), and so when I take it, I do feel it's an occasion for dance.

49. Dance in the car?  
wtf is up with this car thing?

50. Ever used a gun?  
a nail gun to shoot babies from afar…hehe

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?  
again, I don't show up in pictures (or, for the record, mirrors)

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?  
no way!

53. Is Christmas stressful?  
no more than the rest of the year

54. Ever eat a pierogi?  
mmmmmmmm….potatoes and cheese, with a side of geese blood, DELICIOUS

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?  
i dont like fruit pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?  
death eater

57. Do you believe in ghosts?  
Yes, I'm surrounded by them on a daily basis

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?  
Pretty much everyday

59. Take a vitamin daily?  
nope

60. Wear slippers?  
on particularly cold mornings, I find my blue slippers shaped like racecars rather cozy…OH! Now I understand that whole "car" business, I think….

61. Wear a bath robe?  
yes, I love my coat-shaped towel

62. What do you wear to bed?  
a black tank top with tube socks and short shorts

63. First concert?

Voldemort's 'Wild Wizard Palooza' in '75

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?  
Target all the way, bizznatchhh

65. Nike or Addidas?  
NIKE!

Or Fritos?  
cheetos! Fritos smell like corn chips…lol

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?  
sunflower seeds. Peanuts were found by a Muggle!

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?  
no, but I'm guessing they're doing very well

69. Ever take dance lessons?  
ballroom, fifth year, for the Yule Ball. No one wanted to dance with me. James Potter pantsed me. I cried. McGonagle and Flitwick laughed. It was pretty bad. Then I wet myself. Then it was really bad.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?  
a Potions Mistress would be nice….

71. Can you curl your tongue?  
idk, never tried. I don't have time for such tomfoolery

72. Ever won a spelling bee?  
no, I've never seen/heard a bee that could spell, much less won one

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?  
I've never been happy

74. Own any record albums?  
no

75. Own a record player?  
no

76. Regularly burn incense?  
no

77. Ever been in love?  
yes

78. Who would you like to see in concert?  
um...Mozart would be pretty cool

79. What was the last concert you saw?  
Finneus Finnigan's Frightening Frollick of Fun a few years back. The name was a bit strange, but I had fun

tea or cold tea?  
tea

or coffee?  
tea

82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?  
snickerdoodle

you swim well?  
I can't swim. I can just apparate or fly wherever I want. Haha jk! I'm an expert swimmer, I used to make money giving lessons to children. Well…that job only lasted a week. You drown ONE kid that talks back…ugh

you can hold your breath without holding your nose?  
yes

85. Are you patient?  
no

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

orchestra

won a contest?  
I DID get most likely to become Greasy Git of a Potions Master Working for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named back in Seventh Year….

88. Ever have plastic surgery?  
next week I'm having this wretched nose repaired!

89. Which are better black or green olives?  
olives suck

you knit or crochet?  
I knit all my own socks and crochet baby booties for less-fortunate infants

91. Best room for a fireplace?  
bedroom

92. Do you want to get married?  
no

93. If married, how long have you been married?  
never married….

94. Who was your HS crush?  
Lily Evans

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?  
sometimes….

96. Do you have kids?  
NO!

97. Do you want kids?  
NEVER

98. Whats your favorite color?  
black


	3. Chapter 3

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?  
I sleep IN the closet (in a literal, not figurative! Kind of way)

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?  
I don't use those things, so no

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?  
seeing as I sleep hanging upsidedown, my sheet is wrapped around me

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?  
no, that's a damned muggle thing

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?  
only the hot pink onezzsszz!

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?  
i ALWAYS cut coupons, and i ALWAYS use them.

i NEVER pay full price for ANYTHING.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?  
bear; I can go into bat form and fly away

8. Do you have freckles?  
yes, but in a place I'd rather not discuss (I'm very sensitive about my speckled elbows)

9. Do you always smile for pictures?  
I don't show up in pictures

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

Insufferable brats that try constantly to get themselves killed, who also carry the surname of Potter

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?  
I don't walk, I float, and my robes billow behind

12. Have you ever peed in the woods?  
I don't pee

13. What about pooped in the woods?  
I don't poo

14. Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?  
DUH!

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?  
no, I swallow them whole

16. How many people have you slept with this week?  
I always have Mr. Teddy the Bear wrapped in the sheets with me, right over my heart. Voldie got him from the mall for me!

17. What size is your bed?  
don't have a bed, see some other sleeping questions

18. What is your Song of the week?  
Barbie Girl. By Aqua

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?  
it's not okay for anyone to wear pink…except on days that end in a "y"!

20. Do you still watch cartoons?  
The Smurfs own me!

21. Whats your least favorite movie?  
Hope Floats

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?  
I would hide it in the third floor corridor….IF I had it…. *whistles innocently*

23. What do you drink with dinner?  
a male virgin goat's blood

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?  
it's own blood

25. What is your favorite food?  
dragon wings, with spicy sauce

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?  
Forrest Gump, BORAT, TITANIC, Steel Magnolias, Talladega Nights, Lonesome Dove

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?  
McGonagle…don't ask, but a Confundus charm _was_ involved

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?  
no

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

No.

but  
voldemort and I posed for Evil Bachelors of the Month in Merlin's Weekly Wizarding Journal. But it wasn't nude or anything. Real tasteful. Sharp suits and whatnot.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?  
this morning….how else am I supposed to contact them? Some sort of mechanical Muggle device? I think not!

31. Can you change the oil on a car?  
a what?

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?  
no, I fly too fast to be caught….not to mention I go into batmode

33. Ran out of gas?  
no, I fart regularly

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?  
olive and goat meat on rye

35 Best thing to eat for breakfast?  
the souls of small children, preferably crushed

36. What is your usual bedtime?  
when the sun comes up

37. Are you lazy?  
me? NEVER!

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?  
you were supposed to dress up? Mum just sent me on my way!

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign?  
i have no idea…..

40. How many languages can you speak?  
eighteen

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?  
Potions Master Weekly and Baking for the Bachelor Bat (I REALLY like alliteration)

42..Which are better legos or lincoln logs?  
I hate muggle toyss….

43. Are you stubborn?  
you can't make me answer that….

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?  
Leno, most definitely. When I take over the world and plan my extermination of the Muggles, he'll be the last to go. Unless he makes fun of me on his show. Then, it's all fair game.

45. Ever watch soap operas?  
One Life to Live…it's the most convenient timing for me

46. Afraid of heights?  
no, I'm a frickin bat!

47. Sing in the car?  
again, this car thing….

48. Dance in the shower?  
I take a shower every ten days (whether I need it or not!), and so when I take it, I do feel it's an occasion for dance.

49. Dance in the car?  
wtf is up with this car thing?

50. Ever used a gun?  
a nail gun to shoot babies from afar…hehe

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?  
again, I don't show up in pictures (or, for the record, mirrors)

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?  
no way!

53. Is Christmas stressful?  
no more than the rest of the year

54. Ever eat a pierogi?  
mmmmmmmm….potatoes and cheese, with a side of geese blood, DELICIOUS

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?  
i dont like fruit pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?  
death eater

57. Do you believe in ghosts?  
Yes, I'm surrounded by them on a daily basis

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?  
Pretty much everyday

59. Take a vitamin daily?  
nope

60. Wear slippers?  
on particularly cold mornings, I find my blue slippers shaped like racecars rather cozy…OH! Now I understand that whole "car" business, I think….

61. Wear a bath robe?  
yes, I love my coat-shaped towel

62. What do you wear to bed?  
a black tank top with tube socks and short shorts

63. First concert?

Voldemort's 'Wild Wizard Palooza' in '75

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?  
Target all the way, bizznatchhh

65. Nike or Addidas?  
NIKE!

Or Fritos?  
cheetos! Fritos smell like corn chips…lol

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?  
sunflower seeds. Peanuts were found by a Muggle!

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?  
no, but I'm guessing they're doing very well

69. Ever take dance lessons?  
ballroom, fifth year, for the Yule Ball. No one wanted to dance with me. James Potter pantsed me. I cried. McGonagle and Flitwick laughed. It was pretty bad. Then I wet myself. Then it was really bad.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?  
a Potions Mistress would be nice….

71. Can you curl your tongue?  
idk, never tried. I don't have time for such tomfoolery

72. Ever won a spelling bee?  
no, I've never seen/heard a bee that could spell, much less won one

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?  
I've never been happy

74. Own any record albums?  
no

75. Own a record player?  
no

76. Regularly burn incense?  
no

77. Ever been in love?  
yes

78. Who would you like to see in concert?  
um...Mozart would be pretty cool

79. What was the last concert you saw?  
Finneus Finnigan's Frightening Frollick of Fun a few years back. The name was a bit strange, but I had fun

tea or cold tea?  
tea

or coffee?  
tea

82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?  
snickerdoodle

you swim well?  
I can't swim. I can just apparate or fly wherever I want. Haha jk! I'm an expert swimmer, I used to make money giving lessons to children. Well…that job only lasted a week. You drown ONE kid that talks back…ugh

you can hold your breath without holding your nose?  
yes

85. Are you patient?  
no

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

orchestra

won a contest?  
I DID get most likely to become Greasy Git of a Potions Master Working for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named back in Seventh Year….

88. Ever have plastic surgery?  
next week I'm having this wretched nose repaired!

89. Which are better black or green olives?  
olives suck

you knit or crochet?  
I knit all my own socks and crochet baby booties for less-fortunate infants

91. Best room for a fireplace?  
bedroom

92. Do you want to get married?  
no

93. If married, how long have you been married?  
never married….

94. Who was your HS crush?  
Lily Evans

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?  
sometimes….

96. Do you have kids?  
NO!

97. Do you want kids?  
NEVER

98. Whats your favorite color?  
black


	4. Chapter 4

Who was the last person to call you baby?  
a doctor….when I _was_ a baby

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?  
no, I take them home and add them to my mountain of grocery carts…I'm just waiting, wand at the ready, for some homeless bloke to show up and grab at one

3. Would you kiss your neighbor?  
the closest occupants to me in my dungeon are the Slytherin students…so no

4. Has someone ever sang a song to you?  
mother bat…I mean, er, a sister at the catholic orphanage sang "Frere Jacques" to me when I was a little kid

5. Do you play Sudoku?  
no, I tried once, but I sucked at it….i mean,ruddy muggle game….

7. Have you danced in the rain?  
yes. I was hunting for some grangen root when it started to storm. As per my usual behavior, I burst out in song and dance to "It's Raining Men"

8. Would you consider yourself a jock/prep/goth/emo/gangster?  
gangster, bitch

9. Ever been to the beach?  
no, I burn too easily

10. Ever gotten in a fight?  
yeah, and I killed the bitch….mum never forgave me for doing that to dad….so I killed her, too. I mean, yeah, a schoolyard scuffle or two with the Potter bloke.

11. Have you ever been to the emergency room? why?  
an unfortunate accident including a cauldron, carrot, old boxers, and a stupid house elf

12. How many siblings do you have?  
none, anymore

13. How many different kinds of meat have you eaten?  
everyhting, including small children. I mean…, the usuals. Chicken, beef, lamb, etc.

14. Do you love someone?  
"always"

15. Do you like winter?

no, I hate everything

16. Do you like your school?  
no, I hate teaching. I hate kids. I hate everything.

17. Does anyone have a crush on you?  
the Granger child was looking at me funny earlier….so I cut her and made it look like an accident. And 'accidentally' poured acid into the wound. See if she bats those ugly eyes or flips her nappy hair at me ever again

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you would do?  
id be like, 'dammit lucius, can you not control that stupid Draco brat for five seconds?' (he and his family come over for sleepovers quite often) and then I would beat his kid senseless, again

19. Favorite non-alcoholic drink?  
unicorn's blood

20. Who do you text the most?  
voldie

21. What kind of music do you like?  
90s, girl/boy bands, Michael Jackson, cher, heavy metal stuff like that

22. What color are your eyes?  
what do u think?

23. How tall are you?  
tall enuff

25. Do you like your parents?  
yeah. I love all the ppl I kill…I mean, no. they were meanies.

26. Do you secretly like someone?  
I HATE EVERYTHING

27. Do you like anyone?  
no….dumbass

28. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?  
never spoken on one, so no one

29. Favorite Ex?  
ur mom!

30. Furthest place you have traveled?  
antartica (apparition accident)

31. Are your parents seperated?  
as in 'til death do u part'?…sure

32. Do you like mustard?  
ew. no.

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?  
eat. When I sleep, the blood tends to rush to my head and I wake up with a hung-over feeling

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?  
haven't we been over this?

Wait, no, we haven't, have we? Well, probably my father. Damn muggle….

35. How long does it take you in the shower?  
hmmm…. that question's a problem for me. See, I need someone to explain what this 'shower' you speak of actually is.

36. Can you do splits?  
I could when I was on the cheerleading squad, but gosh! That's been ages!

37. What movie do you want to see right now?

I don't hav time for the muggle film industry.

38. Do you like to eat?  
yes, it keeps me alive

39. What will you do for New Year's Eve?  
thats like a year away now. So idk

40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?  
no, I loved it.

41. Do you text alot?  
yesh!

42. What's your favorite color?  
magenta-ish…er, I mean black

43. Who's you last call from?  
the potter boy visited a bit earlier for a spot of tea

44. And last text?  
lucius…he wanted my peanutbutter cookie recipe

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?  
s

46. What are you doing right now?  
this, derrr.

many hours of sleep do you get a night?  
1-24

48. Do you have only one boyfriend?  
pshh, more like a bajillion.  
dont hate the playa, hate the game. haa.

J/k yall

49. What do you buy at the Movies?  
nothing, not even a ticket.

I sneak in and smuggle my own food.

Gangsta all the way

50. Do you know how to play poker?  
Where you poke the dead body hovering over the table?

51. Do you wear your seatbelt?  
a what?

52. What do you wear to sleep?  
cowboy footie pjs, I mean black manly pajamas

53. Anything big ever happen in your town?  
uhhh...the biggest showdown in wizarding history between dumble-y and that other guy….(a/n: shit, whats that guys name? It s on the tip of my tongue! Damnit! Probably months later, still too lazy to consult book or internet) o yeah, Grindewald

54. Is your hair short or long?  
longerish, I suppose. For a boy

55. Is your tongue pierced?  
no

56. Do you like Liver and Onions?  
ew!

Just think about what function the liver has. Can anyone actually like it at all?

57. Do you hate anyone?  
yes. Everyone.

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?  
I like no people

59. Ever been to L.A.?  
noo.

60. What is on your mind right now?  
there's a Yankees cap on my head….

61. Any plans for tonight?  
nopee.

62. Have you ever stayed up all night?  
duh! Who _sleeps_ at a sleepover? Everyone knows the others play tricks on u in ur sleep.

63. Do you hate chocolate?  
heck no!

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?  
the fact that I killed them, I mean, eating my veggies

65. Are you a gullible person?  
no, I trust no one

66. Do you need a girlfriend/boyfriend to be happy?  
nope.

67. If you could have any job what would it be?  
food critic

68. Are you easy to get along with?  
i think so. Just don't piss me off.

69. What is your favorite time of day?  
whenever I don't have classes and the other death eaters aren't bugging me…and voldemort is finally acting non-paranoid. Wow, so I guess I have a fave time of the week: Tuesday night, between 10 and 10:03 PM

70. Are you a generally happy person?  
yeah, im a sunshiney rainbow of joy :D


	5. Chapter 5

1. Who was the last person to put their arm around you?  
Dumbledore, when he told me they were cutting Hogwarts's potion funding

2. Do you still talk to the person you kissed last?  
yes, Minerva and I are colleagues, we have to talk

3. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off?  
that awesome beast in the mirror

4. Are you a morning person or a night person?  
not a person.

5. What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead person?  
be mad at Lucius and Voldie…that would b the 8th time this bloody week! The ministry's getting suspicious

6. Are you there for your friends?  
what friends? If ur talking about the death eaters, I'm so over those cholo's it's not even funny

7. Are you a forgiving person?  
yeah…/

8. Do you drink?  
yeah. How else do you get water in your body? I'm scared of needles!

10. Do you want a relationship right now?  
NEVER AGAIN

11. Three feelings at the moment?  
hungry, tired, bored

12. What are you listening to right now?  
robin hood: men in tights

13. The highlight of your week?  
idk

14. Who were the last people you ate with?

The other teachers

15. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone with?

How often do we have to go over this bloody "phone" business?

16. Do you like your mom?  
yes…so much that I put her…out of her misery

was the last person to text you?  
text? Well, Crabbe did owl me yesterday…

18. Has anyone ever said you look like a celeb?  
yeah, this muggle boy in Paris said I looked rather like some Alan Rickman bloke. And I must say, this Rickman fellow must be a rather dashing fellow. I was all spiffied up in my midnight-blue tuxedo with yellow star decorations and red shoes….

19. Name someone with the same b-day as you?  
Susaana York (actress), Bob Denver(Gilligan!), Richard Nixon (Muggle Minister of the U.S.)

20. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?  
wasn't drunken, but it was CRAZY. Burritos and dinosaur bones EVERYWHERE. again, apparition accident. Those first couple years after I turned 17 were pretty wild

21. What are your plans for tonight?  
chillin' with batman and robin at the batcave…I mean, cruisin', chillin' wit my home boizzzz

23. What does the seventh text message in your inbox say?  
seven owls ago: (from Lucius) tell Draco to eat his vegetables, or I shall kill him!

Update: I didn't tell him. I want the annoying little bugger gone.

24. What's the last piercing you got?  
que?

25. Toilet papered someone's house?  
McGonalge's summer home, august after fifth year. She nearly caught us! But we flew…I mean ran, pretty fast

29. Do you want to be married right now?  
no

30. What were you doing at 4am this morning?  
playing Mozart….what the fuck do u think I was doin? I was out shooting hoes!

31. What do you usually do first in the morning?  
suck the blood of a virgin parrot from the Galapagos Islands

33. What were you doing last night?  
marking Gryffindor papers as wrong

35. How many different beverages have you had today?  
idk

36. Any plans for today?  
shootin more hoes

38. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?  
I am partial to the lime variety

39. Do you want children?  
for breakfast? definitely

41. What were you doing at 7pm yesterday?  
sleeping!

42. You're in the hospital, who on your TOP friends comes to visit you?  
no one, they're probly the ones that put me there

43. If alcohol were banned, what would your reaction be?  
woohoo!

44. Name things about the opposite sex that automatically turns you off?  
ability to talk

Unwillingness to obey my every command regarding household chores

Trying to stare me down

Not being able to cook the foods I like

45. Name things about the opposite sex that automatically turns you on?  
being the 7th daughter of a wealthy man about to die…and the last surviving heiress

46. Do people underestimate you?  
I think so. That potter brat's always pushing the limits with me! Just wait until I knock some sense into him!

47. When you're in a bad mood, what will always put you in a better mood?  
I'm always in a bad mood. But I am slightly happier when I am torturing children in front of their mothers

48. What do you hope to have in the future?  
an 85" plasma screen, '67 Mustang (seagreen) with 46" rims, and bunk beds!

51. Are you named after a grandparent?  
no. my parents were not grand. They sucked at life.

52. What's something you're scared of?  
I fear nothing…or do I?

54. Name something you love:  
potions

55. Who last messaged you?  
Crabbe

56. Are you taller than 5'6?  
I don't know American measurements

57. What's your favorite color?  
black

58. Does it bother you when someone says they'll call you and they don't?  
yes!

59. Ever been kissed under fireworks?  
no

60. Do you wish someone would call you?  
not really


	6. Chapter 6

1. Are you younger than 29?

no

2. Ever kissed anyone with a name starting with J?

does an ashtray that doesn't get used make a ceiling tile?

3. How many swimsuits do you own?

4 (one black baggy trunks, one dark gray baggy trunks, one red speedo, and one black with gray designs baggy trunks)

4. Do you like the color green?

Ahhh… yes… cries: LILY!)

5. Do you have a crush on someone?

If you've been keeping up with this, you should know

5. What things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?

Bitchiness, talking [ever], not being able to cook, not cooking, using my straightener, cheating, not liking potions, ugliness

6. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?

nopers

7. When in your life have you been the happiest?

Between 10 and, idk, like, 16

8. Ever eaten soap?

Ever heard of 'Snape's Worst Memory'? and there was an incident in second year where Prof.. Slughorn heard me say fuck in his class…

9. What are you listening to right now?

Mike Berbiglia (however u spell it)

Funny guy….

10. Is there a place you would like to visit soon?

I do need to make my way out to Malfoy Manor and say hello to the dark lord

11. What's your favorite kind of drug?

caffeine

12. Which would you rather be a pirate or a ninja?

Pirate, so I could have an excuse not to shower

(you mite b thinking at this point, 'snapey, but y don't you want to be a ninja? They get to wear black!' well, my networking exposits, I don't really like black. I simply wear it because it stains the least. Do you think a dalmation's favorite color is spots?)

13. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle?

More like pushed…

14. Do you like winter?

i guess. its ok. But I prefer summer, when all the brats are away on holiday.

15. Does your screen name have numbers in it?

no

16. Are you in a band?

Me, lucious, rudolphus, and karakoff have a tambourine/harmonica/saxophone/singing heavy metal group. It's pretty hard core

17. Do you like parties?

Oh yeah!

18. How long have you had your myspace for?

idk

19. If you could own a monkey, would you?

No effing way! I've got enough little brats running around the corridors and messing up my day.

20. Do you own anything from American Eagle?

Yes, I did once chop the head off an eagle while I was in America and kept it for a souvenir…what a funny question

21. Do you listen to rap?

Nothing but

22. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?

A butterscotch crumpet

23. What was your first AIM name?

SeVvYlOvEsYoU ( I had to change it cuz the death eaters wouldn't stop IMing me. And I didn't want them to know about it, I need SOME alone time.)

24. Do you like fruit?

yeah

25. Do you have a Nextel phone?

A do da whatta?

26. Have you ever given a random person your number?

Huh?

28. Whats your favorite number?

0.1291960

30. Would you make a good parent?

Sure, y not?

31. Whats the last text in your inbox say?

My last owl was from zabini, telling me to beat his worthless son for a bad mark in Herbology

32. Do you have an addiction?

Kool-aid. And myspace

33. What's your favorite cuss word?

fuck

34. Do you like cops?

No. authority sucks! Fuck the establishment! Haha jk. 3 law and order, keeps the world running smoothly

35. Have you ever flashed someone?

Huh? Like the light on a camera?

36. Do you talk a lot?

Omigosh yes!

37. Do you get bored easily?

mm-hmm

38. How many pillows do you sleep with?

None…it takes to much energy to keep one suspended behind me all night

39. Do you like S'mores?

Yeah, with more chocolate than marshmallow; and cinnamon graham crackers

40. Do you like hugs and kisses?

hugs

41. Do you act gangster?

i don't have 2 act YO

45. When was the last time you went out of state? w/ who?

I believe 'state' is an American term…..but crabbe and i spent a lovely weekend in Ireland (out of our governmental territory, so it counts!) throwing potatoes at passersby from a balcony in a hotel over the Christmas holidays

46. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

No =[

47. What was the last thing you had to drink?

pepsi

48. Who was the last person to make you smile?

A sixth year….when she fell down the steps


	7. Chapter 7

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?  
if I feel like it

Where were you last night?  
my private chambers

What is today's date?  
twenty-fourth of march in 2008

Who was the last person to call you baby/babe?  
James Potter called me a baby one time for crying! Argh ANGST

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?  
as in steal…yes. HAHA JK STEALING IS A SIN DON'T SIN

Anyone crushing on you?  
duh! I'm like…a rock star where I come from

What is your relationship status?  
bleh

Has anyone ever sang to you?  
te-he, yyyyeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh

Has anyone ever given you roses?  
nopers

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?  
I would just apparate to civilization

Who do you text the most?:  
here lately, I send quite a few owls to a Potions contact in Germany. No bloody idea what he's writing, but it's human contact nonetheless

How do you make your money?  
teaching, spying, potions seminars, running a pumpkin patch

First person to text today?  
voldie…there's a meeting tonight

What is your favorite color?  
black. Yeah. i contradict myself. A LOT. Deal with it.

What color are your eyes?  
for answer, see: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Sorcerer's Stone, usa)

What is a compliment you receive often?  
I'm a snarky git/bat/bastard

How tall are you?

Idk…she never specified

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?  
idkkkkkkkkk

Do you like your parents?  
blech

Do you secretly like someone?:  
hate everything

Why did your last relationship end?  
i killed her

Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?  
phone?

Where is the furthest place you've traveled?  
antarctica

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?  
eat…definitely

Do you look more like your mom or your dad?  
dad.

Do I seem bored to youuuuuu?

How long does it take you to shower?  
shower?

Can you do the splits?

Oh yes!

Are you flexible?  
yepp yep yep

What did you do on New Years Eve?  
spent a quiet evening at home going through potion ingredients, like a decent human being

Was your mom there?  
no!

Can you speak any other language than English?  
a teensy bit of Spanish and some ancient goblin

What is the last letter of your middle name?  
&

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?  
76

do you wear your seatbelt in the car?:  
one more bloody 'car' question and I'm going to a.k. whoever posted the bulletin!

Are you scared of flying?  
not really.i do it ALL the time. It's just, sometimes, when it's windy, I get a little worried in case my sonar messes up

What do you sleep in?  
a sallow severus snape-shaped coat of skin

Who was the last person you kissed?  
my pet lizard, as a child. A KISS OF DEATH

Do you like funny people or serious people?  
I HATE FUNNINESS, HAPPINESS, AND ANYTHING NOT SERIOUS, DARK, OR UNHAPPY!

What are you listening to?  
my keys on the keyboard. Well…the sound of typing. You know….

What jewelry do you wear all the time?  
psh jewelry. I don't need such things to make me beautiful

What do you have planned for tonight?

Wouldn't you like to know

Is the last person you kissed older than you?  
kissing=ewwiness

myspace or socialsplash?  
ur mom's space

Do you have a favorite item of clothing?  
my Justin timberlake concert tee

Do you like messages or comments better?  
comments, so everyone can see how loved I am

Last movie you saw in theaters?  
theatres show plays. Works of art. "movies"/films are shown at cinemas

Last thing you ate?  
the crushed souls of six-year-old hermaphrodites

What was last thing you drank?  
pickle juice

Are you happy right now?  
I suppose

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?  
grilled cheese and kool-aid

Who makes you happiest right now?

Anyone who chooses to die in front of me for my amusement

What were you doing at midnight last night?  
watching the daily show with john stewart

Are you left handed?

Idk, I'll hafta ask

What was for dinner tonight?  
chicken and shepherd's pie

What is the last thing you thought about?  
what I had for dinner

When is your birthday?  
jan.

Do you want to get married & have children one day?

no


	8. Chapter 8

If you HAD to get a tattoo of someone's name, whose would it be?

Hmm…I suppose Voldemort's….so he'll trust me more

How many places have you lived?

Umm…a lot?

If someone seriously vandalized your property, would you notify the authorities?

No. I would dress his entire family in pink tutu's and force them to perform Shakespeare for drunks

Are you allergic to anything?

Happiness, sunshine, shampoo, and petunias

When did you get your first detention?

First day of school when I was eleven…I busted Potter's nose

What happened to your last relationship?

She lied to me, so I killed her

Ever been in the E.R.?

Yes, I have been to Edgar's Restaurant

Are you a dog or a cat person?

Neither. Bat-person.

What were the last words you said to your mom? Dad?

Die, bitch!…I mean, I love you—both of them

Where was the last place you went out to eat at?

Well…that's classified

Do you know anyone in the war?

Everyone I know is in the war…damn prophecy

When did you last hold hands with someone?

Three days ago, as I dangled her pathetic form from the cliff

Do you have a dirty mind?

No, I clean it with a solution of warm, soapy water and Clorox weekly

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't?

I joined Dumbley's ranks, didn't I?

Who was the last person to make you laugh?

Lucius fell off a statue yesterday when we were in Knockturn Alley. He fell on a fat lady. I nearly wet myself!

Have you ever stalked someone?

How'd you know about that?

Do you think you'll be married by the time you're 35?

Too late :/

If someone cheated on you, what would be your next words to them?

TIME TO DIE!

Would you ever get a tattoo?

Dark Mark, yo

Where do you work?

A mad house

Where will be the next place you travel?

Hopefully home

Where did you get the clothes you're wearing?

I stole them from a homeless bloke in Muggle London

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?

No. I hate my job. I didn't want it. I was extorted.

What were you doing an hour ago?

Frolicking through fields of dandelions and butterflies….or as you may call it: killing mudbloods

Where did you go to school?

A mad house


	9. Chapter 9

~*The Basics*~  
Your full name:

Severus Maybe-Tobias Snape

-What does it mean?:

Severe. Snappy. Etc. ?

-Do you like it?:

Yep! Suits me don't ya think?

Natural hair colour:

Blackest black

-Do you like it?:

No. it always looks greasy…partly cuz of how straight it is, partly because it's greasy

Race:

WHITE

Heritage:

Anglo-saxon? &wizardry? Who cares. As long as I'm not a mudblood….

-Do you like your heritage?:

No. I hate everything

Where do you live?:

In a castle for most of the year

Have you ever moved cities or countries?:

yes

Your job:

Spy. Potions. Professor.

-Do you enjoy it?:

Except the last one. They actually make me teach!

~*Favorites*~

Movie character: me. From home movies

Book: OMIGOSHHHHH TWILIGHT

Literary character: TEAM EDWARD BITCHESSSSSS us vamps gotta stick together

Author: stephenie meyer is a fucking genius! (a/n: haha twilight sucks!)

Instrument: vuvuzela

Cereal: cap'n crunch fo shizzles

Fast food place: McD's fo life

Dessert: fudge! (the former minister, that is)

Country: Great Britain

City: London…many wonderful shops

Shampoo/conditioner: que?

Lotion: Victoria's Secret Amber Romance scented. Agh gotta have itttttt

Subject in school: Potions! : ]

Teacher: slughorn, naturally.

Least Favorite Sport to play: Keep The Golden Boy From Dying

Snack: I do rather enjoy a good munch on brimstone and yarn every now and gain.

Meal: dinosaur eggs on toast. Fruit juice on the side.

Grocery store: pshhhh. My slaves take care of that shiz for me

~*Have You Ever*~  
Peed in the shower?: that's fucking disgusting. No. eww.

Enjoyed Shakespeare?: shaking a spear? Yes…sometimes I feel outright barbaric and enjoy a bit of tension release in the form of time traveling and chasing down ancient beasts/people

Flipped someone off?: I flipped my father off the roof of our house once for not giving me apple juice when I wanted it, preferring to take his insulin shot first instead.

Been in a fist fight?: shyeah

Slept in a snowbank?: as punishment

Been in a major accident?: yeah. voldemort accidentally told his snake to kill me. Better have been an accident…..

Burnt yourself?: no. I'm an expert with fire. Anyone who burns themselves ever should just be shot because you don't deserve to share the earth with me. So there.

Passed out?: I pass out homework papers all the time. With big failing grades on the for those damn Gryffindors.

Watched a soap opera you didn't understand?: dudeeeee telemundo. Intense!

Made fun of emos?: isn't that what they're there for?

Acted like an emo, just to see what it's like?: shyeah! *skulk* *angst* *unnatural hair color* *LAME*

Started a fire?: yeah. voldie's Muggle property. Trying to collect insurance. Didn't work out, though, and he had to go to prison from the time he tried to kill the Potter brat til lke…the Triwizard Tourney

Set a marshmallow on fire?: yes. I hate those things, and I want them all to die

-How many times?: I lost track after 32,975,784,327,832,847

~*Randoms*~  
Your house number:

.239084

Why are you taking this survey?: for my ever-adoring fangirls

What school do you go to?: pSh I'm A fLiPpIn GrOwN uP nOw I tEaCh ScHoOlZ (I really cannot figure out how people can type like that with any comfort/speed)

-Do you like it?: hellz no! stupid kids never do anything right even though I don't ever actually teach anything (seriously…have you ever noticed snape lecturing. No. he just writes directions on the board and assigns homework. CUZ THAT'S HOW A DARK WIZARD LIKE MYSELF ROLLS, SON!)

Your school colours?: HOUSE COLORS are green and silver. You know, awesome colors,

Your school teams' name?: our house name is slytherin. You know, like awesome.

Ever been on a sports team?: yes. As a boy. My parents wanted me to have friends my age in the neighborhood

-If yes, what was the name of it?: it was a muggle game…footie, I believe?

-Did you enjoy it?: yes! I was frickin awesome! It was the only time my father was ever proud *tear*

What do you want to be when you grow up?: I already did grow up. And my dreams of butterfly hunting never materialized. fml

What are your views on

-The Canadian government?: GAY  
-The American government?: WHATEVS  
-The European Union?: ONE STEP CLOSER TO NOW  
-The UN?: A SHAM

What are you wearing right now?: black robes and slytherin colors stocking cap

-Any particular reason why?: I only own black robes. And my bff chelle knitted me this frickin awesome hat so gtfo!

What was the last thing you ate?: oreosssssssssssss delicious!

If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?: idk what color. But I'd be the broken one. The one you no longer use, even though you know it's perfectly good. The one you think you might decide to melt back together, but never do, and just work without that crayon. One day, you replace it by buying a whole new box. LOVE ME, DADDY!

How many keys are on your keychain?:

I've tied so many keys together to form a chain long enough to be a belt. To beat children with. And use as interesting fashion accessory on my shopping exurcions

What does the room you're in look like?: I'm not very good at similes. Haha jk I rock at 'em. Severus Snape rocks at everything! But I don't feel like it.

-Do you like the room?: what? Is that a legitimate question?

Do you own an iPod?: duh! Who doesn't?

-If yes, what kind?: teal! The best color! (I have a nano. A bit old, but mine, and it's all I really need)

Weirdest thing about your parents: they keep getting mentioned in myspace surveys long after they've been killed. Really I should just start erasing the questions. Ah, the perils of laziness.

Your greatest strength?: there is no one greatest. I'm awesome at EVERYTHING. Anyone who thinks I suck a transfiguration can gtfo

What country do you fear the most: I fear nothing!

Have you ever been in a third-world country?: yeah

-Would you ever want to live in one?: no. it's the effing third world, moron. No one WANTS to live there. Unless they have pride or something. Whatevs

What song do you have stuck in your head right now?: none

Will poverty ever end?: no

-Why or why not?: I wouldn't allow it. That's right. I am Snape, the Potions Master. and I say no. and that's that. It's like a law or something. Like…the post or ski ball

Will we destroy our own planet?: don't drag ME into that crap. That "we" better become Muggles and Mudbloods and other deviants. I ain't done shiz to hurt the planet. Except leave cars running for no apparent reason…and spray aerosol cans at the sky…and start forest fires…and aim hair dryers at glaciers.


End file.
